I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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