I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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