She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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