You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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