That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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