Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
