please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
