He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
