I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
