Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize