If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
