I heard we made out
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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