is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
