At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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