it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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