heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
