so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
