for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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