you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
