At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
