I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
