I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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