I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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