I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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