It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
