dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
