Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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