ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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