My room smells like vodka and shame
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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