At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
