Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
