look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
