she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
