Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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