Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
