everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
