i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
