I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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