drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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