Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
