Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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