He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
