He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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