when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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