My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
