It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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