their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
