hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he thought i was a dude.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
