he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
