hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
