if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
