She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i out mim tonsoeep
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