If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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