Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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