im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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