It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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