so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
