After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
