Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
