I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's never too late to be topless.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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