Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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