who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
