Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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