Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
