A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
